Expectations

Expectations. We’re told we need to have them…as guidelines….but do you know exactly what yours are guiding you to?

The average person wants what they want at any cost but rarely considers the actual possibility of it happening in the real life they are living versus the one they have decided, craved, imagined.

I don’t know about you but –

I expect help to come if I call. However, I’ve found that it doesn’t always work like that.

I expect children to listen to their parents. I’ve found that sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t.

I expect the sun to rise and set every day. So far so good BUT the verdict is still out on how this plays out today.

And for as long as I can remember, I’ve expected the people who mattered at various points in my life to follow the scripts I’ve written that they’ve never seen. Surprise, surprise-I found that they will fail me every time.

So…..

I’ve learned to help myself. I’ve learned to yell and make demands. I’ve learned to enjoy the moment and not always worry about what comes next. I’ve learned to love and I’ve learned to lose. Most importantly I’ve learned to try again and again and never stop having expectations. I never felt the need to stop wanting what I want just because no one stepped up to give it to me. Instead I kept trying to figure out how to get it. Sometimes instead of deleting, I had to add expectations. So now I also expect things to fall apart. I expect no one to be perfect. I expect nothing to come easy. And I still refuse to ever stop expecting.

Remember Ben and Erica?

One day during a conflict they have had multiple times, Ben tells Erica  “insanity is doing the same thing over and over…..” She sighed in disagreement. It wasn’t insanity.  She had faith.

He said move on; look elsewhere. Wondered why she wouldn’t budge. Instead she blinked. She had hope.

He said he couldn’t bear to hurt her anymore. She said “so stop.” He didn’t know how so she held on tighter to show him. He called this being an “emotional wreck.” She called that love.

One day he said ‘enough is enough’ and shut down angry with her for having expectations, disappointed in himself for not meeting them. He called that the end. She saw his fear.

He drew silent. She reached out. He stayed silent. He called that being safe. She only felt abandoned.

She reached out again and again trying to break his silence. He called that confusing. She was  clear about her level of commitment.

When he didn’t return any of these sentiments he called that giving her the chance to finally find what she deserved. All she found was disappointment in him not realizing she already has.

 

Sad but okay.

 

Why it’s sad:  they both expected the same thing but just went about it differently. Because of her expectations, Ben expected to never make her happy even though he wanted to and Erica expected him to want to make her happy even if he felt like he didn’t/couldn’t. Both of them wanted to love their way and have it received as they delivered it BUT they never learned how to say it in a way the other understood so instead they only expected everything they couldn’t have.

Why it’s okay: 1) it’s a blessing when things fall apart because we can put them back together better than before. 2) it’s smart to say goodbye…but only if it’s really the end and 3) it’s brave to be scared…..as long as someone is there to make it safe.

We can’t control someone meeting our expectations. We can only control how we respond. So….I don’t know about you but –

I still expect help to come if I call BUT I’ve learned that help does not always look like help. There’s no way to know how it will present itself this time, next time, or any time – so I stay consistent so it won’t miss me. I still call. I still wait. I still wonder. I still believe. Faith, hope, love, fear, abandonment, commitment, and disappointment are all there too, awaiting their cue.

I don’t know what he’d call this but I call it life.

And life has afforded me the courage to see it as a masterpiece in the making. So…I stay the course expecting what I want and even what I don’t. As I wait for the sun to rise…. or set, I trust that tomorrow could be the day this will all make sense -giving meaning to why the blessings come only after the trials and tribulations.

And as long as Erica and Ben are still breathing- I expect them to figure this out together- and there is absolutely nothing insane about that.