Promise

I promised myself I wouldn’t have expectations- but then I missed you

-truth is, I’m just jealous that other people can have you

I promise you that I tried not to care – but then I heard from you

-and was angry that it took so long

I promise you that I tried not to show it -but then you teased me

-and it was hard to accept that you couldn’t feel the pain welling in my heart

I promise you I tried to hide it – but then you exposed me

-which made me embarrassed that my expectations turned to jealousy, anger, hurt

I swear I was trying to tell you safely through text – but then you called- repeatedly

-and I was too deep in my feelings and scared….too shy,  to face you

I promised myself  I would  listen- but this time felt so much like last time

-I was lost in the caution that this could be the end

I promise you I tried to fix it -but you deflected; told me to move on

-how could I not feel abandoned by your unwillingness to fight for us?

I swear I tried only to love you- and instead I lost you…and my way

-left regretting that we can’t turn back time and do this day….hell,  maybe all the days, over again

I promise you I wanted….no needed..to be wrong- and then you proved me right

-your silence remains your loudest response

I promised. I promise, I promised.  And you made promises too- but maybe it’s just time to realize

– a promise can truly be a comfort to a fool…..